When All You Have is "Because I Wanted To"

I was recently on a trip with my husband. We used the excuse of picking up our ballerina to get away for a week. We gave the kids 6 months notice and took off. All we requested was that the toddlers be alive when we returned. Throughout the week we relaxed With The assurance that all was well. We had no agenda, not even a pre planned hotel stay. For my OCD type A personality that’s saying something! No excursions were planned ahead of time and no reservations were made. Just relaxation and time with my man! Pictures were coming in. The toddlers were being well taken care of. They were happy and smiling. Friends were provided and forts were made. Popsicles And ice cream were taken in as cheeks were being sun kissed and slightly burned by the chlorine enriched pool. Yup, no need worry. We came home

Slowly another picture emerged. Sure they were well cared for and adored and loved. Sure they had fun. But what was found in the dark showed what she didn’t want others to find. Menus hidden under the bed. Dirty clothes not thrown in the hamper. An Ice cream container by a chair in the corner, those water beads - you know the ones that swell up to a thousand times their original size? Yes, those water beads - everywhere you DON'T want them to be (it’s a wonder there weren’t bloated chickens lying dead in the yard - just sayin). And then, the piece de resistance. Eggs. I mean, sure we have eggs. We have chickens so we have eggs. Ok, and we have had incidents with eggs before. But no, this was a whole new level of egg trauma. No swimming. And “Mom, we know you cleaned the pool before you left on vacation, but can you please clean it again, it’s dirty." Why? Oh, because the eggs got thrown in the pool. "Well, we think we got them all out. But we aren’t sure. Can you check?” Sure enough, as I spent my afternoon, a mere 24 hours after arriving home from a week long vacation vacuuming the pool, I find the broken egg (the one left after the others were recovered). I ask said toddler,” Why?” To which the reply came, “Because I wanted to.” That’s all, “ Because I wanted to.”

Sounds about right. Was I really expecting some sort of philosophical answer from a 5 year old? Then I got to thinking, was I that different? Why do we do stupid things? I mean, I know half the stupid stuff I do is dumb. But I am going to do it anyway because in the moment it sounds like a great idea. But if God were to ask me in the aftermath “Why? What were you thinking?!” What could I really say? I think all I have would have most of the time is, “Because I wanted to.”

(Israelites)

Well, you will be happy to know (or maybe not), I just smiled and continued to vacuum. “It’s almost done and then you can swim.”

Sometimes we have to sit it out as God cleans up our messes. We have to watch as he vacuums up the broken eggs at the bottom of our dirty pools and wait for the waters to clear. Because, that’s all we can do.



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